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Monday, August 17, 2009

Deleted Scene

Hi Everybody!

Good heavens, I've been a crazy-busy blogger today! But with good reasons. Today has been sort of eventful with all the stuff to talk about. And this particular post is special. I could've saved it for tomorrow...but who knows what things will pop up in my head tomorrow? So you're in for, what I hope you'll think of as a treat.

I was working on Conjure A Man today (after a whole weekend of not working on it at all, bad Bethany!) And I came up with this scene. Now I kinda like it. I think it's reasonably good. The unfortunate thing is, I think it happened too early in the story. So I had to cut it. I might use it later on in the manuscript, but for now I've put it in its own file to keep on hold just in case I need it. So a thought occurred to me. Why not post it on my blog? Who knows? I might use it, I might not. If I get enough favorable feedback I just might, if not, I'll probably keep it out.

First things first: Characters: Delaney--a witch, my main character. Pauline--her mother. Pierre--human male, Delaney brought over from the human world to pretend to be her boyfriend (what nobody knows is that they actually have just fallen in love--her family thinks they've been dating for 6 months!) Gloria--Delaney's snobby/patronizing cousin Lionel--her husband (very jealous). Anyway, here's the scene:

"You can't make that charge without proof." Pauline cast an incredulous look at Lionel.

Lionel set his lips in a firm line. "I'll find a way, I'll--"

"Hello, everybody!" Delaney called as she and Pierre walked into the dining room.

Lionel glared at them. Turning around, he strode out of the room. Gloria cast them a frightened look and ran after Lionel.

"Is everything okay, Madame Ryan?" Pierre asked, gazing at Pauline.

Pauline glanced at Pierre briefly then her eyes rested on Delaney. She cleared her throat. "Pierre, would you excuse us a moment?"

"Oui. I'll be in the living room." He said, swiftly leaving the dining room.

Delaney walked over to her mother. "Mom?" She said. "What's wrong?"

"It's Lionel." Pauline answered, her voice low.

"What's he done?" Delaney asked.

Pauline gripped Delaney's hand. "Did you--is it--" She paused, took in a shuddering breath, then continued, "Delaney, is Pierre human?"

"What!" Delaney exclaimed. "Wait. Is that what Lionel was saying when we came in?"

Pauline's shoulders slumped. "He told me that he and Gloria are suspicious of Pierre's background. We know so little about him, Delaney. Almost as soon as he arrived, you whisked him off. You have provided nothing but vague answers regarding his business, home and family. He's very nice and well mannered. I know your father likes him, but we don't really know him."

Delaney detached herself from her mother's grip. "So, just because Pierre is different Lionel is going to create drama? Jeeze, Mom! I thought you and Lionel were better than that. What's wrong with all of you? Can't you just be happy for me?"

Pauline wrapped an arm around Delaney's shoulders. "Oh, honey. We're happy for you. I'm just concerned because you're my daughter. Lionel is upset because of how Gloria has acted. He's trying to find reasons to get her to stop."

"How about pointing out that she's his wife? Pierre isn't interested in Gloria, Mom. He's interested in me." Delaney folded her arms. "I don't understand why they have to make trouble. For the first time in my life I find a man who's good for me and my own family turns their backs on me."

"Lionel has always been jealous." Pauline shook her head sadly. "I know Gloria loves him; but sometimes she does act a little inappropriately."

"Sometimes?" Delaney rolled her eyes. "Mom, you're so blind when it comes to Gloria. You see her as this perfect vision of what you want me to be. Gloria is married to a highly successful warlock. She's pregnant. She lives in Manor Hill. All I've done is disappoint you. I want to know when you're going to get over it."

"What? Now you've gone too far, Delaney! I never said I thought Pierre was human!" Pauline exploded.

"Yes, but you could've stood up for us!" Delaney shot back.

"What do you want me to say? I've been wondering about Pierre myself!" Pauline said.

"Why didn't you just ask Pierre or me?" Delaney asked.

"I tried to!" Pauline exclaimed. "You both sidestepped all my questions. Your father told me to stop. What am I supposed to think, Delaney? Who exactly is Pierre?"

Delaney lowered her head. "None of your business."

"I think it is. I think as your mother I have a right to know who my daughter is thinking of marrying."

Delaney's head flew up. "I'm not engaged to Pierre, Mother."

"No, but I heard what he said that first day. And don't think I haven't noticed the way you two look at each other. It's going to happen."

It was Delaney's turn to slump her shoulders. "Mom, if I tell you, it'll just make things worse."

"Why? Is it that bad?" Pauline asked, her hands on her hips.

Delaney nodded.

"Tell me." Pauline's voice once again low.

"If I tell you," Delaney began, "you have to promise to keep it to yourself. Don't even tell Dad."

Pauline sucked in a breath. "Alright. I promise I won't tell."

Delaney whispered in Pauline's ear, "Lionel is right. Pierre is human."

Pauline gasped.


I hope you all enjoyed it! I thought it was a good scene, I just not sure if I'm going to use it. I don't think it belonged where I originally put it.

Have A Merry Monday Evening!

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

I like it. I do... really! ~Sarah

bethanyintexas said...

Thanks Sarah! :-)

Pink Bug said...

I think it's great! You should use it. Have you thought much about script writing? I think you naturally would be fantastic at it with your descriptions of what each character is doing. Just a thought...

bethanyintexas said...

Pink Bug,

Um, I never seriously thought of screen writing. I love movies, but I never felt a calling in that direction.

It would be cool to be able to use this scene...just not sure where, yet. But I have it on hold and ready to go if I change my mind about using it "early" or if I choose to use it later.

Anonymous said...

Hi Bethany,

I like the scene a lot...gives us a real inside on the relationship between her mother and herself.

Keep up the great work!
Tessy

bethanyintexas said...

Tessy,

Thank you. Man, now I'm really in a bind. I may just have to delete what I've got in Chapter 10 and put this scene in. Everybody seems to like it (including me). I think that's what I'm going to have to do. Start Chapter 10 with this scene. It'll give it more suspense...and then maybe I can put in the other idea I have.

I never expected the story to take this twist. Originally when I wrote the first draft of the synopsis (where I have all my original ideas for "Conjure A Man") it didn't include this scene (originally they were going to fool her family completely). But I like this idea. It adds another dimension.

LOL. Now I have some real work ahead of me!

Thanks everybody. I really appreciate it! (I sincerely mean that).

Regina Milton said...

Loved this scene. I really enjoyed your writing and your character descriptions. Great job Bethany. I hope you use it if it fits into your story!

bethanyintexas said...

Thanks so much Regina! I appreciate it.